Poison

Tonight included a rather disastrous trip to Whole Foods. (Disastrous is absolutely an overstatement, but I was tired of trying to think of another word.) I like Whole Foods, but I always feel conflicted about going there. The one that's near where I live just feels really pretentious, and it drives me crazy that the shopping carts are so small. But I love their chocolate mousse and I like their cheese. (And by cheese I mean free cheese samples.)

I love spinach, and I decided that I wanted a spinach salad for dinner. But I ran out of all salad ingredients this week, other than spinach. I didn't get a cart or a basket when I got to Whole Foods. I was only going to get one tomato, one thing of zucchini and one thing of squash. Oh, and baby carrots. So my plan was just to carry them in the little produce bag. But as I was getting them I remembered I actually didn't have any spinach. I'm going out of town this week, so I didn't want to buy a big case and have it go bad. I realized that I should just make a salad from the salad bar. I should have at that point gotten a basket, but I felt too committed to hand-carrying everything. So I did carry everything. Then I found a bottle of wine I've been looking for. It will most likely be months until I actually drink it, but I'm excited I found it. So at this point, I'm hand-carrying one tomato, one zucchini, one squash, and baby carrots in my left hand, a bottle of wine under my left arm, and a salad (whose lid won't close) in my right hand.

At the checkout counter, I bought this drink ... Gingerade. Sounds good, right? Do I like Ginger Ale? No. I love it. Do I like lemonade? Um, yes. Love selling it and drinking it. I shook the bottle up while I was driving home, and that was mistake #1. As soon as I tried to open the bottle, it started spraying everywhere. Then I realized that it smelled like vinegar. How could that be? And now I smell like vinegar. So I finally took a sip of it. It actually didn't really taste like vinegar ... it tasted like acid. I was reading the side of the bottle that lists some of the great things about the drink, and one benefit it touts is "body alkalinity." I should have known. Alkalinity sounds like alkaline which makes me think of batteries which makes me think of battery acid. And that makes me think of how this drink tastes.

Um, and just now I googled "Kombucha" (the brand) and the first Web site I go to says "Don't drink Kombucha! Until you're 100% sure it's safe." WHAT! All I wanted was a delicious ginger ale/lemonade hybrid. I thought it would be like Snapple. I've made a huge mistake.

But all is not lost, because I still have some chocolate mousse with my name on it.